Just tonight I went out to grandad's bluff. Climbed over the fence, looked down over the thousand foot drop to a sheer rockface and played chicken with death for half an hour.

I just recently got a letter that the lawyer i had on my case wasn't going to represent me anymore, leaving me with a little over a month to find a new lawyer to take my case. I was just hoping to return to school this semester and that my lawyer would mostly deal with any legal issues and I could stay focused on school itself. Instead, I'm back in the frying pan. since 1.5-2 years after the accident, I think I got back to about 95% of my general functionality. But that last 5% turns up really quick on any really tough tests, especially timed tests.

I won't be able to do well on the MCAT in this condition, I won't be able to be a straight A science student if I return to classes. If I return to classes it will ruin my academic record because professional schools will mostly focus on your most recent grades, not your "old" grades. My one dream in life, what i had worked for for so long is not just dying; it's a fossil.

I grow tired of everything. So tired. Live like a cockroach. Afraid to be around my own family. No money, no assets, can't get any sort of medical assistance and the reason i'm depressed isn't because I'm simply "depressed", it's because my whole god damn life is a smoking pile of ruins. No depression medication is going to fix that anyway. I don't even have any decent clothes that fits anymore. In september the statute of limitations is up on the accident I had. If I don't find another lawyer by then, my three year "anniversary" might also be on my tombstone.