Dear Peppermintpatty,
First, I love the name! Secondly, yes, all of what you said in your posting sounds exactly what I have gone through at different times of this illness. Basically, you are grieving your old life now. It is just as if a person died. You will go through the ups and downs just like in any death until you come to a point that you know you can go on and don't let it get you...otherwise, it wins! I am not married and thankfully didn't have to go through the stress of having to worry about a spouse leaving me. However, I have had to deal with my son who was 16 when this happened five years ago. I never realized all he had given up in his teenage years for me since we had no one else to help us. My family couldn't deal with it and still can't so my son became our caretaker at 16. It was rough the past two years for us but we take it day by day. He HATES to see me in pain and it finally got to him and he exploded. Maybe you and your honey can do simple things that maybe before you didn't do like watch a sunset, go for a walk (unless you have it in your feet/legs like me), go to a park and just sit and watch the fish or ducks...but do it together without any other stressors. It is important to spend time one-on-one and realize this is the new normal (for now) and you just have to do things differently than you used to do in the "olden" days. I hope this kind of helps you. Take care and hang in there.
kathy d