"...though I doubt anyone expected that meltdown to happen..."

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAn7baRbhx4&NR=1

(Sorry, I couldn't help myself....)

Seriously, though, what you are going through is normal - it's one of the stages of grief. I know that you don't want to have to depend on others when you are weak, but maybe it will help if you look at it a different way.

Think about what you would WANT to do if the situation was reversed, and it was one of your friends from the Bible Study who couldn't get her legs to work; if she were the one who had been diagnosed with MG. Wouldn't you want to help her? Not because you felt sorry for her, but because you genuinely wanted to help, even if it was something as tiny as carrying her Bible for her?

For so many of us, we help others in situations like that not because we are trying to earn Brownie points with the Big Guy upstairs, but because we sometimes feel helpless for not being able to do more for a friend in need. If we can carry someone's books for them, lend them an arm to lean on so that they can make their way to the car, or anything else - no matter how small a gesture it might be - then we feel like we have been able to do SOMETHING to ease their burden just a little bit.

Even though you feel "guilty" for needing the help, by accepting a friend's help you are also allowing them to feel like they aren't powerless either. Trust me, if someone doesn't want to help you, they won't offer to help! If they do, by all means let them. You'd be amazed at how much that brightens someone's day, knowing that while they can't do anything to make your condition go away, they can at least make your path a little easier.

Most people have a great capacity for compassion. If these people are your friends, then they aren't going to stop liking you. By accepting their freely-offered assistance, you are allowing them to become more comfortable with your diagnosis. And really good friends will understand that if you snap at them, you are expressing your frustration with what this disease has taken away from you - you're not mad at them.

You will reach a point where you are more "comfortable" with everyday life with this illness, but it's going to take a while. The fact that you had a heart-to-heart with God means that you are going into an "easier" phase of grief. You've given your worries to Him to shoulder for you - as you said, you felt so much better after your talk and your cry.

I had the same experience about 3 months after our youngest daughter was born with Down syndrome. The day that I gave my worries over to God - I basically told him I couldn't handle it by myself anymore - was the day that the burden was lifted from my shoulders. From that day onward, everything was much better. I'm sure it will be the same for you.