Vaginismus is a VERY treatable condition, especially since yours is secondary - you've been able to have pain-free intercourse before. You can pursue self-help or, if you really feel lost, you can enlist professional help. Unfortunately a lot of doctors do not know about vag and will just tell you to "relax" or "get drunk" or something. Ugh, so unhelpful. However there ARE physical therapists, sex therapists and others who work in concert together to solve this problem.

I don't know how much information you already know, so I guess I'll just blab on. Basically the goal of treatment is to retrain your brain - and your pelvic floor muscles - to break the association of penetration with pain. Often this is is done by gradually inserting objects of increasing size into the vagina. Most women have to start very small, or start without inserting anything at all - just touching the surrounding area with a cotton ball, watching in a hand mirror and gently examining the outside of themselves, etc. There are medical supply companies where you can buy vaginal dilators: do not feel any shame or let anybody tell you that you are buying sex toys or "dildos," these are treatment tools used in many medical establishments. ** sells a set and has some good info. Don't be scared by the size of the dilators. You're not going to start with the biggest one after all! It's important the moment you feel any pain to stop trying to insert. You want to break the pain association, not re-enforce it.

Since vaginismus is often rooted in anxiety or panic disorder, anti-depressants or anxiety meds are sometimes prescribed. Lidocaine can help too (yes, it's safe to use on the inside).

Conservative treatment works around 90 percent of the time according to most studies, however there is a newish approach that involves specialists in a clinic injecting Botox. This, also, has a very high success rate, but obviously it's kind of a drastic thing to do (injecting Botox down there!) and it's not necessary in the vast majority of cases. Right now there's only a couple different centers that bother with that kind of treatment at all. However, it's given a lot of people who have the very rare, hard-to-treat vaginismus hope.

For myself- possible TMI -.... I solved my problem without seeing a specialists. A nurse suggested that I begin by using my fingers - first just my index finger, then working up to two, then three. Apparently this is the technique often recommended to women who can't afford to buy equipment. Fingers are organic, familiar and non-scary, and the best part, FREE! Three fingers is about the size of the average man and once you can get three fingers in, at least as deep as the second knuckle, WITHOUT pain, you are probably ready to try intercourse with your partner again.

Sorry for writing a novel... hope this helped you or anyone who might stumble on this thread!