i need to make appointments for those tests. they are sitting there.

i need to follow up on some things on the job front. basically i got a call yesterday and have to give an answer in 3 weeks when the person returns from vacation. i had been wanting to go a different direction. so need to figure out if my different direction is viable, within the 3 weeks. to know if it's reasonable to turn this down. otherwise i should take it. here someone gives me an opportunity and, am i grateful? no! of course i have a reason to be unhappy and uptight about it!

so first thing i need to work on that letter. i am usually good at writing but i feel so empty i can't see how not to sound like a loser. i could write a great, well-structured, "hello, i am a loser" type letter! yeah, that would get me far...

last night or whatever... going to sleep, i noticed that my foot was doing a jig. that is not usual for me. i thought that must be slight activation from the Zoloft. i had been noticing more energy but today i don't feel all energetic. maybe it was just nervous energy about going to the doctor because i was uptight about it and it came to a peak yesterday when i went.

i need to drag myself through some motions here. monk is on at 3. they are the old episodes with sharona. i wonder if i can do something before then, kind of like a reward. maybe the appointments. my mom offered to make them. i said i should do it. i partly wish i had let her. but i do so little it's important that i keep doing something even if i don't want to do anything.

~ waves ~