Thanks for the replies everyone. You're right Blue - the night time can be a very lonely time. I get frustrated because I'm actually in a relationship with a GREAT guy. But for some reason, these demons haunt me. I'm not trying to cheat on him or ANYTHING like that. Like I said, I just want everyone to love me and talk to me still (I'm over exaggerating, but you get it).

Alffe...you're right! I always give away my power. I hate it. I don't get why I can't stop. These people clearly don't deserve ANY part of me....yet I keep doing it....keep trying to contact....ugh....

Addy, you're right. I need to find the trigger...I think I rely on people that I shouldn't. One of my exes will respond from time to time because he knows what I'm like (my current bf doesn't understand nor has he seen me as bad as I was last year). So my ex will respond....and then I'll write back and then he'll stop responding. Why do I keep contacting him as a crutch when I know he always ends up disappearing and making me feel awful? I don't know. But I want that reliance to go away.

Thanks Lonely1 for the response and thoughts. Means a lot.

I should really start posting more. I feel like I keep myself busy but still have a bunch of issues that are just being put aside because I'm busy. Probably an excuse I make for myself, "Oh I'm too busy to deal with it." I'll try writing more. It helped me so much last year.

Debating meds again....ugh.....