indeed. connecting to the outside doesn't happen a whole lot. it's almost as though there is an emotional veil there.

and yes it does go in waves. especially the depth goes in waves. with me it seldom disappears completely but it does shift into the background sometimes, and simply attenuates at other times. then it comes over me again like a big black clumpy cloud. and sometimes just lands on me like a ton of bricks. i don't know how many times i've woken up and thought, "here goes. why do i have to be alive all over again."

i have been in a brighter mood the past few days. but it seems to hold only as long as i stay in a sort of cocoon. when i reach out and start doing things that are somehow an investment, it falls apart... like today. maybe the Zoloft will help it not fall apart as quickly or as much.

love you too

~ waves ~