I have been going up and down like a yo yo. My house cleaner said he might stop working for me. He said it is too hard. This time it didn't throw me for a loop. I think I was too tired. I just can't deal with problems. Except for going to ron's apartment three floors down I haven't left my apartment. I desperately need to go to the bank. If I don't go today I will force myself to go outside tomorrow.
Last night my friend Kent came over. He is amazingly supportive. He told me I looked nice and I hadn't even brushed my hair. Since I gained all this weight I never feel I look even halfway decent. I tend to refuse to look in the mirror.
Then he emailed me and wrote that I was balanced. I questioned him on that.
He said for all the traumas I have been through, I have come out amazingly well. When I said I don't like to leave my apartment, he casually said we all make choices that suit us at the time. I have known Kent for almost thirty seven years and he has seen me when I have looked well. Last night we talked about the book of Job and had the exact same interpretation, politics and other spiritual things. Abby was sitting in his lap most of the time and Yuki was by his side. It was very nice and he brought wine. After an hour and half I got very tired. I also had napped for a few hours in the afternoon.
My life is so strange.
Bobby
the imperfect perfectionist