Hello Debbie, and welcome to our little corner of the internet.
I too am having a hard time right now and it sounds like maybe you and I are feeling close to the same things, so if nothing else, you've found a place where you will be understood no matter what. And better then that, there are lots of people here to listen to you no matter what you have to say. We are always here to offer support to anyone who wants it.
Please come back soon to tell us more about yourself.
Try to hang in there (I know it's hard)