Lonley1... I don't know if you have any idea how similiar we are in the fact that when I have my down times, I'm completey back where I started, too. Each time it happens to me (which can be daily, last for weeks or not even occur for weeks), I search my brain and beat myself up wondering how "it" happened again... I lie in bed thinking about how difficult it is to continue living and I start thinking ... why am I living?

I'm usually pretty gentle on myself when this happens... I let my house get a mess, I watch a lot of TV - into the wee hours of the night - and sleep in until noon if I have to... AND now, more than ever before I tell a couple of my close friends who completely understand.

We keep pushing you towards taking medication and a therapist because we have learned how important it is. We know how difficult it is to find the right med, or how you don't like how you feel when you're trying the meds... but the long and short of it is... we are missing a chemical in our brain... and its up to us to find that which is missing. It take a TON of work - reaching out is the most difficult.

So my friend... don't beat yourself up... its all about taking it one day at a time... one step at a time. I am grateful you talk about how you feel ... because I know you are reaching out. Bravo!

Addy