It's kinda hard to notice "extra" stuff. I already have numbness and tingling down my left arm and weak, saggy muscles down the entire left side of my body. Cymbalta helps, but I break through when the fibro flairs.

Which it is doing right now. sigh.

I just wish I could calm down. I hate being mixed. Ragey and cagey. too funny if it weren't me.

I hate the benzos. They make me forget to breath and I grind my teeth. But they help. I will try to take them at bedtime for awhile, but I can't take the 3 a day the pdoc rx'd. I get too grogged out. I take little teeny valuims. Klonopin looped be WAY BAD. And I can't work that way.

I have logged on 3 times this week and just can't say anything. Today is the first day because other people here are in so much pain, I just want to comfort them and hold them.

Pretty depressed today. This is the first time in this adventure where I am recognising the crash but I still feel helpless to stop it. I just want to cry constantly. At least I can keep myself from crying, so the meds are still working.

The worst part is the self-depreciating thought process. I feel SO bad about myself. Damn, I hate that. Things I did and said 20 years ago float through my head and I feel like the worst person ever. I can't remember crap until I am depressed and then it's all the bad stuff. Funny-odd how that works.

Wes's therapist asked how I was, and I lied. I said I was fine and everything was ok. I don't want to tell my husband how bad it is. He has a little history with an ex-wife that undoes him when it comes to the psyc stuff.

Thanks for listening to me. It helps. I don't think I could say stuff like this to anyone here.(meaning home)

Thank you.