sounds as if you are an imperfect perfectionist too....were you nurtured as a child? were you put in a hero's role? this accident I think might turn into one huge giant step forward if you can use it and get at the sources of why you are so self critical and so unforgiving of yourself. if you were to imagine you were another person looking at them, where would your standards be for that person? How come you are so good at nurturing others and so bad at nurturing yourself? when you start beating yourself up you should ask that question rather than continue to beat yourself up.
Crying leads to healing.....acknowledging that you are not made of steel but are flesh and bones leads to healing. I am really beginning to think this accident was a gift because it penetrated some of your defenses and you are ready for big time change.
Did I write that six months before my explosion, I wrote a short story about a little girl in an explosion and the explosion was meant to get her out of her rut rather than to maim or kill her. I remembered the short story a few months after my explosion. Pretty weird right?
Being gentle to yourself is really scary....nurturing yourself at first is pretty lonely and scary...the illusion of feeling like steel and I can handle it is pretty safe but it really robs you big time.
I am sorry klonopin doesn't help you. There are loads of times it doesn't touch my anxiety.
You are so very special...if only you could feel it.
Bobby