Wow, wow, wow, all of you. What a strange couple of days... I had been planning to hold off on posting for quite a while - even though I missed everyone - because I wanted to process my own experience myself, and because I was afraid people would think I was more nuts than usual....

But then the whole thing happened with the Stalevo bottle yesterday night - and I had this strong feeling "I am so glad that I didn't let this whole month of this crap go through my body this time" - and it inspired me to post because I knew that people have been really suffering because of med side effects and I wanted to give whatever encouragement I could...But then, I read about the revelations about Stalevo today - and had a sicko feeling - hello Permax, hello Vioxx - I survived you all - but interesting how I had a strong urge to get off the Stalevo first, out of everything that I was taking. It felt eerie, but also told me once again how important to listen to our own instincts sometimes.

Ok, Sharilynn, thanks for joining the conversation. Yes, my mother had a hysterectomy, but ovaries left intact but probably weakened. But with all this brain decoding work, there have been a lot of very specific correlations made between brain focii, parts of the body, social contexts, etc. One thing my doctor said is that it is traditionally the oldest daughter's role (me!) to not have her own family so that she can take care of the parents.

And reading Lindy's comments also - actually much of this work is partially based on the theory that our brains and behavior are actually still very much tied to animal behavior (flight and fight, et.) The question of free will in all of this - well, a post-modern question in some ways, and one that always to me had an uneasy relationship to Freud's work, for instance...But when you look at all of the huge factors that even surrounded our own conceptions and births - what was going on current event-wise at the time, how one's parents felt about those events and their own roles in them, what expectations and unfulfilled plans or dreams they had surrounding one's conception - it's huge and it all plays a part in what shapes us and what we take forward.

I think looking at what befalls us through this context though does a whole lot to mitigate any sense of blame or guilt - and when you realize that no matter how crappy things were for one's ancestors or what crappy decisions they made, they gave you life, which wouldn't have happened otherwise. Now it seems like people across a whole generational spectrum could have a chance to address the wrongs of entire wars or large-scale human conflicts, starting with their own bodies and cells that mirror on a microcosmic level what was happening in several generations of history, and then to right those so they need go no further. So it's no longer "you got sick, so you go off by yourself and fix it," but that many people perhaps get sick as a way of bearing things so that other family members don't have to - but then perhaps a family can all recognize that this happened to all of them, come together as an extended family and super support the sick person until they get better... Then the waves of healing ripple outward further and further, until we get past the point of drawing lines in the sand, and "your dad did this to my dad, so you're going to pay" and on and on ito endless cycles of recrimination. And we say "the buck stops here, in my body, and my quest to try my best to resolve this very specific and physical manifestation of society-wide trauma."

Things are less scary when you change the lens sometimes.....I've never understood those Stage 1, Stage II things - how do they serve us other than maybe you will get your will written sooner...beyond that, does it tell you how to live any better, any more positively? And why decide what the outcome will be before it happens...there's this idea that we should all be man enough to face the truth of scientific verdicts about us. But then there's Lou Gehrig, who didn't really get the truth after all...

My Swiss doctor says that every healing is an act of love. The new medicine.