Dear JMS55-

I was post concussive syndrome diagnosed and referred to psychiatric follow through after a serious wreck in 2005. Many other injuries overwhelmed me simultaneously at that moment as well. So many doctors, so much by way of visits, but, I could not see my way to following through with the psych stuff on top of everything else. Just couldn't.

I was in the middle of prep for a trial which would involve hundreds of millions of dollars and I was in charge for my clients. Denial? Grandiosity? Likely. I felt indispensable at that time.

The headaches, I would call brain aches seemed to reach from within nearly to tear me apart. Others thought I was making "goofy" comments and decisions. Ultimately the complexity of my whole care required that I step down. Lost all career, but still had my family, my God. Striving to restart career now. Hope reigns in our home now that my cloud has passed.

Sure the MRIs done did ultimately prove my concussive injury, even so, I avoided the psych help that was scripted. I was too stubborn, a stubbornness unlike me at that time. I just wanted to bang my head against a wall somehow to stop the maddening headaches. Ultimately, 7 weeks after continuous head ache/brain ache, the aches ended in my head. Acupuncture had been tried, but I don't know whether this was what brought that cessation.

Nevertheless other injuries persisted. Many many surgeries later, I think Humpty Dumpty is put back together again. I had considered suicide during those so trying times...... but somehow my hand was stayed. I guess God had more for me to do, much more as the case has shown.

I so ache for you in your grief, as in my own extended family multiple suicides have occurred over the years. One never truly knows how to place them into perspective, except maybe through God's help to forgive not only ourselves but the suicide as well. Hard, so hard, the stuff of much counseling to overcome. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Continue for those who, around you, need your presence as one who understands and feels the ache. You have reached out here, a VERY BRAVE step, and a step that will bring much to many others.

My prayers now include you, my sister,
You have care surrounding you,
Mark56..... a survivor too.