Your story is so touching and long standing, I do understand and relate to your pain. My back used to be strong until the trauma of a wreck; yours by way of disease borne illness, nevertheless, the pain is there, the pain is real, the pain robs of life in a way that seems to exclude, as was the case with my family. We felt cocooned in this "don't touch them, they might break" standoffishness as my pain profile descended through Dante's Inferno.
Friends would comment they had no idea how I would/could survive the burning, the spasms, the jerks, the tears, and yet my question persisted, "but didn't you say you pray for us, for me?"
My faith in Christ kept one foot in front of the other even when I didn't believe I wanted to go on. Times when I would thrash on the floor growling or screaming because pain so robbed me of dignity let alone control over my own body. That was when I took to screaming into a pillow to muffle my cries. I had no idea how my pain psychologically affected my family. Depression was served with large spoons to all of them.
SCS finally brought me physically through the torment of the pain I had endured. Sure, I feared shots. I feared being cut on. I feared possibly being rendered paraplegic as was my Uncle Calvin by a gunshot wound, but I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and so did others. At last, I knew, I KNEW the path of SCS was a means to hope for me and my family.
We took the path, steps halting, but true and God held us every step of the way. Now I am seven weeks post op, and in two days will discontinue all use of pain management meds due to the use of my Boston Sci stim. I tell others of the miracle I was granted in the implant. My docs probably think I am over the top, but I am so GRATEFUL.
I pray for you that you may find peace in whatever decision you reach for yourself, and for your family. Mine now feels hope abundantly, and my little girl [now 17] is off of anti-depressants because she sees and feels the hope that radiates from my being courtesy of God.
Blessings on you,
Mark56 PJ
