Debbie,

If you are able to put your thoughts down, believe me, you are not too badly off. I know you must be feeling awful, and it is hard to concentrate when you feel low. Taking a long leave, if possible, while settling down with therapy and changes in prescription or dosages would be a good idea.

This is not a win or lose situation Debbie. You can't fight or compete with yourself. This thought just makes for more anxiety. This is who you are NOW.
And NOW you need a break.

I don't know anything about the technicalities in your country.
Right now I think your focus should be on trying to ensure a source of income.
Worries regarding money can be a real and permanent trigger.

Fighting against what you can is good, but if you have reasons to believe that the fight will wear you down more - then stop.

I battled foolishly for years and all that happened is that I managed to dig myself into a deep well of debt. And finally I have realised that accepting who I am now, is best for everybody around and myself. At least nobody is expecting or depending on me to deliver anymore. I am doing the last bit of tying up the loose ends and soon I shall be FREE.