this accident was definitely a Godsend and a wake up call. If you use it right you will eventually be so free of so much pressure in the future and doing things that you shouldn't be doing and also you will become far less hard on yourself and a lot of guilt will evaporate...yippeee....
I am so glad you were able to act out when you were younger. That probably saved you so much depression in your later life. You should congratulate yourself for being so bright rather than being self deprecating...Just think if you use this experience right you will be less self deprecating. You can start now by measuring yourself how you would judge other people and use that yardstick on yourself. The yardstick for yourself is probably way off the chart.
Also imagine the child you were but just think of her as a child and see if you can feel empathy for her and all she had to go through.....that might be the beginning of self nurturance. The stress of the accident will slow you down now from your usual iron self...what a grand opening when your defenses are down. I hope I don't sound crazy but at last, you will begin to be free and be able to take the steps to be gentler and finally nurturing to yourself. At first it is going probably to be very very lonely and painful but there is a rainbow at the end.....
Bobby