Member
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 114
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Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 114
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Terror + Resignation = ?
Hello, my name is Tom, and I am a proud new member of Neurotalk. I am 66years old. I used to be very active physically, in superb condition; for over a decade, 1989-2002, I worked out religiously in a gym for 3 hours, 3 days per week under the guidance of a former Olympic coach. One hour or so with weights (not heavy -- light, with repetitions), the rest with stretching. I felt great. Before that, from 1974-1986, I jogged 3 1/2 miles, 3 times per week. Terrible pains in the back of my knees forced me to stop. I learned some stretching exercises; the pain went away.
Around 2002, after coming home from the gym, I started having strange pains and weaknesses in my legs (they would suddenly start to double up; I never fell, but came close). I had polio at the age of 8, and spent a month in the hospital -- and years doing physcial rehab. I lived a very normal life. So, I figured I had post polio syndrome, and stopped the gym.
Weakness in both legs; incredible stiffness in the morning; tripping on carpets; difficulty swallowing -- all the usual stuff. My condition worsened. I am now essentially house-bound. Sure, I can go to the supermarket, etc., but I pay a terrible price at night, stiffness, soreness. I have all the classic symptoms of PPS, but also of ALS and others as well. I can't walk to the end of the street without being out of breath. Climbing stairs, well, I have to concentrate on what I'm doing.
I have seen three doctors, including a neurologist who gave me an EMG, and told me that he doesn't know what I have -- but that I have something serious. He is referring me to a rare disease specialist. He also put me on lyrica, which has masked 60% of the pain in my legs, but makes me feel exhausted. I live on the usual over-the-counter pain killers.
I attempted to take my life last year (overdose of StilNox, ambien) because I could feel my body being "boarded up." Beside an intermittent, bad burning pain in my right ankle, I have (sometimes) pains in the center of the palms of my hands: they are definitely neurological and surprised even the neurologist.
Whatever I have, I sense now that it cannot be cured, that I will be in a wheelchair in a few months. For a polio survivor, there is no worse outcome than to be handicapped and become a public charge. Thus, I would describe my present state of mind as a mixture of terror and resignation.
I caught myself last night thinking, "Thank God, there's death." I sense the end is approaching, and that there is no hope for me. Best to get it over with quickly.
My question to all of you out there: they say many diseases mimic PPS and ALS. What, specifically, are those diseases? Thanks ever so much for any information you can supply.
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