6 years ago i went through a series of 18 ECT's because after years of various meds, nothing was working...i was suicidal and my family felt desperate to help me. after the treatments i have lost a majority of my long term memory and short term has cause many daily challenges. basically, i am trying to re-invent myself because i don't remember much about who i was before the treatments.
i am challenged with finding the strength to exist daily but find the energy on my 'good' days to manage my relationship with a husband who is not married to the same woman he asked to marry him 10 years ago (great man)& mother a 16 year old son (great kid) when all i want to do is crawl up in a ball and fly away. my short term memory causes issues with our daily interactions.
i stay strong for them...the problem is i need to want to be strong for ME. I get all that....got the handbook...however applying what I need to do is a whole different story.
i am trying to re-define myself. What do i like to do? how do i stop feeling guilty for putting my family through this with me. when will i accept these changes as not my fault, accepting bipolar and become a productive citizen who has friends, hobbies and lives her life? (sorry so long)