Quote:
Originally Posted by Alffe
"I think that too little attention is paid to the anger embedded in nearly every act of suicide. It's easy to discern and sympathize with the hopelessness and pain that those who kill themselves are experiencing. But I think that it's important for families trying to come to terms with these losses to confront the reality that any person contemplating suicide has to weigh the devastation that he or she is about to inflict on loved ones.
-Dr. Gordon Livingston, psychiatrist and author, whose son Andrew killed himself in 1991 at the age of 22
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Well Dr. Livingston said a mouthful when he wrote that. I was so furious at Michael for taking his life and that anger added to my guilt. And no one, including me, could understand how I could be so mad at someone I loved and who had died! I remember going outside and shaking my fist at heaven, cursing a God who would let such a thing happen.
Acceptance, understanding and Peace were years away from us at that point in time.
My former neighbor is struggling with her anger at her son...now in her second year to grieving.
Mark is right....we all matter. Tom, are you with us?  |
Hello, Alffe: Thanks for your post. No doubt anger is involved in suicide, but so are many other emotions -- probably all of them. Which one or ones prevail depends on the individual. A young man just starting out in life, aged 22, who isn't suffering from some incurable disease but who commits suicide, will probably be more angry than a 66-year-old man or woman with a debilitating disease which (apparently) cannot be cured.
I think that all someone can do who is contemplating taking their own life is to make a written record of what they are going through; that will lessen the burden -- not get rid of it, lessen -- for loved ones. Why they did it and what someone might have done about it: such questions are thereby answered to a large extent. What I'm trying to do here (and elsewhere) is provide such a written account.
Again, I'm beginning to see a difference between taking one's own life (as did 200 people in the burning Twin Towers who jumped) and commiting suicide. A 22-year-old in good health has, objectively -- existentially -- speaking, a choice (even though he or she may not realize it); other people do not -- not really. The "really" is of course arguable, but when you shake it all out, there is something left at the bottom.
I suppose that your and the doctor's sons did not leave behind a coherent explanation. That lack makes me think that anger was indeed a major reason why they did what they did, i.e., commit suicide. However, there are other people in different phases of life who take their own lives without anger being the chief motivation.
Maybe, in fact, anger is a major distinction between "taking your own life" and "suicide."