Quote:
Originally Posted by jaded2nite
A dear Friend took her life yesterday morning. She took a bunch of pills and apparently that didn't work so she shot herself.
She had been depressed and had even said she was suicidal. I took her seriously, We talked and talked and talked and talked........she even came here and read often.
Over the past few weeks she "seemed" to be coming out of the pit. She fooled us all. She made us believe that things were turning around. She was only calling me once or twice a week......she really seemed to be doing well when we went to dinner Saturday night.
She thanked me for being there for her when she needed me the most. We planned our vaction to Honduras in May. She fooled us all.
Now we make funeral arrangements and wonder as survivors always do, WHAT IF?????
Rest in peace my friend......I hope you found what you were looking for.
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Hello, Jaded: Having attempted to take my own life, I speak from experience -- my own, of course; everybody may differ, but I'll bet not much on the subject you brought up.
NOBODY to my knowledge has ever accurately portrayed what goes on inside the head of somebody seriously considering ending their life. There are the makings of a great drama in that subject. (Dostoevsky gets into it somewhat in "The Possessed"). All sorts of conflicts, all sorts of ambivalence. Yes, there may be deception on their part; if they told you the truth, you might do something "stupid" and call the police and then EVERYTHING for them is ruined; they enter a psycho ward; eat and wear what others dictate; they become prisoners of the entire medical system; they are marked for life. They also don't want you to suffer anguish about letting them say so long and walk on down the street to, well, you know what. I mean, what are you supposed to do, pretend like it just ain't so? They feel regrets, many of them, coulda/woulda/shoulda. Mostly, they feel sadness, their heart aches, and when the moment comes, they may say (as I did): O.K., here we are. Let's get this over with. Determination is the last vow.
I'd say, in the end, to the extent your friend fooled you, she did it in order to fool herself.