Well, I made it home from Boston. I had a slow and lazy(?) nurse doing my infusion so it went an hour+ over and I got stuck in traffic. I left at 11:45 and got home about 6:15. LOOOONG day for me! I know I shouldn't be driving myself, but I don't have another option.

I'm always afraid that they won't be able to give me my treatment because of an elevated temp. I was only 99.1 yesterday, so I was safe. Once it was higher, but the nurse waited and rechecked it, so the show went on. I would hate to travel so far and not be able to get my treatment.

They took a bunch of my blood to test CBS, liver and thyroid functions, vit.D, etc. They'll let me know if anything comes back sketchy. I have to go to my PCP because I've had a lot of tonsilitis in the past and have craters & permanent whitish yellow spots (tonsil stones) that could be a resivior for infection. Maybe causing fevers.....?

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I think what hit me the hardest with the MS is it ended my nursing career. It was a calling. I took care of my mom, 2 grandmothers, my brother, and hundreds of patients. I loved what I did. I made a difference everyday. And I was damned good at it. It's like I lost my identity. It was one hell of a grieving process.

I've decided not to have children for several reasons, but I'm not at peace with that yet.
-I've been told that pregnancy wouldn't be safe for me because of my type of MS.
-I'm on multiple medications that keep me stable in a lot of ways, can't keep taking them while pregnant and wouldn't be stable without them.
-I'm a fall risk. What is I fell holding a baby?
-It's hard enough to get myself to appointments, how would I get the baby in and out of the car?
-I wouldn't be able to care for a baby on my own. My husband isn't likely to be helpful & I don't have any source of continuous support.
-My mother died at 46. I'm 30. I don't believe it would be fair to bring a child into this world if it's likely I could leave them so early.

It's A LOT to deal with. Most days I'm able to accept things and live life, but sometimes it's necessary for me to acknowledge my losses and grieve. And have a big cry about it all.

I broke down in front of my husband. I never do that. I don't cry about this crap, or talk about it to him. He was very supportive. He rubbed my back and just listened....

-Kay