The tears break thru!
Thank you
Fiona, YOUR sense of humor (and everybody's !) is what i thrive off of!
What makes it even MORE powerful is that we are somehow able to laugh and make the smilies work to bring cheer to each other.....in the MIDST of this most unbearable times of our lives!!
THAT, my dear friends......is beyond what real strength can possibly contain.
This forum means the world to me. Each and every new person who comes here scared, painstricken, hopeless and ready to give up.....I just want to jump thru the screen and somehow 'make it better'......
But I can not do that. It takes every ONE of us to make that happen.....and even at that, it's actually up to the individual to WANT to get better, ...to WANT to fight the fight..........they come here reaching out, so that speaks volumes
It's priceless to hear what you've said to me you guys. It really is. Thank you.
And, yes, this is Tara's thread.......and she brings up something I think was very bold to admit, and I will back her up by saying that yes, I too went 'beyond' depression and - on into......'suidical' thinking.....which I'm sure many of us have. The SOS (survivors of suicide) forum is so FULL of beautiful folks who carry a tremendous strength and they are always there with open arms......"Survivors" has no measurement......it can mean you yourself have lost a loved one, or you yourself have actually attempted it, or even just the thoughtlife......renders you a 'survivor'......
It took me some gumption, but I finally went there, thinking i wasn't worthy (for simple fear of my stupidness and silly avatar....i was so afraid i would be perceived as 'inappropriate'.....) but the opposite proved to be true. They welcomed me with the most loving reach and I consider them absolutely precious to me.....even to this day I'll get a 'hug' from over there......no words.....just a ((hug))......THEY know why they sent it and I know why they sent it.....they just 'KNOW'.....they are amazing.
So, anyone here who gets those feelings, be it due to bad medicine, or just because we feel as though we can't fight the fight any longer.......TALK about it.! It's a brave thing to do and you'll find that you've reached into a beautiful place and a weight will lift. TALK about ! It's OK to talk about it! It's a REALITY - the thoughtlife can hit the best of the best......
So, yeah, I wanted to hit on this topic with Tara back when she first mentioned it, but I was wrapped up in stuff and wasn't able to post much.
It's fun to be 'funny'....but there do come times when we just can't laugh.
I realized I'd be coming across as a 'phoney' if i didn't at least admit to my battle with depression throughout the years. But MAN! This thing with Neurontin......sent me over the edge! No, i didn't 'attempt' to end my life, but in my blind madness I scribbled an 'F-you' note to the world and prayed for God to please just let me die and then crawled as far under my covers and into darkness as I could go.......the note was left there just in case God answered my sick plea for escape. I locked my bedroom door, i ignored phonecalls, responsibilities, my beautiful loving family......I made the horribly wrong choice to crawl INto darkness instead of reaching OUT for God's light.
Big mistake. Never want to go there again.
I've got so MUCH to live for and it would have been a crying shame for my family to have come upon that heartless note I had scribbled.
So, then came the guilt phase......which lasted almost a week....
But, to this day, my family has no clue how far down i had sank. I hid it. All they knew was that mom wasn't 'feeling well'....
It's not good to suffer in silence. People NEED fellowship.
I certainly wasn't looking for attention when I admitted what I had been thru, but I felt a responsibility to 'come clean' with this. And it has done wonders just to hear you say that you appreciate me, ...that I matter. And Jackie shared her struggle while she was on these meds a few years back and how it played mindgames with her.
So, Tara, thank you for bringing this up on your thread.
It was an important thing to do, and you are NOT alone in this!
I hope you are doing well this weekend
OK!! ENUF of the serious stuff!!!
This is MARK's Birthday Weekend!! Let's go invade HIS thread and tease him!!
