We have an interesting situation in this house. I'm 53, have some minor health issues and work part time; my grandmother (who owns the house) is 97 and still doing pretty well, all things considered -- she often still cooks, and recently made nearly a dozen quarts of vegetable relish, does her own laundry, and generally takes care of her own end of the house; and then there is my youngest daughter, who is 30 and autistic, and has lupus (or something approaching lupus).

Grandma needs a little more help than she'll accept. She's very touchy about keeping her independence. My mother, who lives an hour away, comes here and goes with Grandma to Dr. appointments now because Grandma wouldn't always mention everything that needed to be mentioned, and wouldn't remember everything the Dr. said -- and Grandma didn't really want me going in to the exam room with her! I pretty much just try to be here in case Grandma does need something done, drive her wherever she needs to go, cook if she's not feeling up to it, and so on.

My daughter functions on the level of a three-year-old, having temper tantrums (horrible angry screaming fits) if she isn't feeling well or if she's upset about something. Unfortunately, Grandma seems to have a knack for upsetting her....DD is on a couple of medications and supplements that have helped tremendously but haven't totally eliminated the problem. DD can't read, does talk some but not always clearly, can usually dress herself, but needs assistance with bathing and personal hygiene. Grandma 'babysits' so I can go to my part-time job, but of course she isn't always going to be here to do that, so I have to consider how to manage when that time comes.

What can 'the person in need' do for me in my situation? Well, DD loves me! That's about all I get from her, and it's enough. Grandma not only watches DD so I can get away from the house for a few hours each week, she also allows me to have my dairy goats, chickens, rabbits, and a dog and cat. I wish that she didn't try to micromanage things as though I was still a small child, and sometimes she grumps a lot (probably why DD has issues with her -- she's VERY sensitive to moods and tones of voice), but all in all, we manage to rub along pretty well together. (I told my mother once that I can't think of anyone else in the family who would have been able to tolerate Grandma's bossiness for very long, so I guess it was ordained that I would be the one to take care of her during her final years!)

At this point in time, looking after my daughter and Grandmother is more rewarding than wearing; I suppose that could change as their health changes. I pray that God will give me the strength and good attitude to deal with whatever the future brings.

Kathleen