Thank you, Rae, for mentioning the SOS thread. It is truly full of amazingly strong survivors who, through talking, reach out in help to one another. I have posted there quite a bit, as one who in various life stages, and more especially after being SO injured, wished instead of missing that truck in front of me that fateful morning I had accepted its huge receiver mounted hitch through the windshield. Sure, pain hurts and hurts a lot. Recovery and the steps toward it hurt and hurt much more. Anguish, despair, hopelessness all creep into the thoughts of one who is faced potentially with never getting any better. Once I felt I was one of those. Now, thanks to this SCS miracle, and we do refer to it as a miracle in my home and among those I meet, I have hope replacing hopelessness, despair, anguish..... HOPE.

The meds did many a trick in my life and on my mind, and it is amazing as my mind clears from the fog of medicated listlessness that I am beginning to feel so much better. Still undergoing withdrawal issues.... that is to be expected and OK, but not having 3000 mg neurontin in me everyday along with morphine, percocet, restoril, and others is a blessing. You who raise your doubts about the medicinal approach to pain management, I understand all too well. Perhaps it is why I am striving so hard to be totally beyond the meds.

Today, in this birthday weekend, I have had much joy, from family, from you, from other friends, and yet, today, I have felt irritable, out of sorts, ill at ease with Mark..... I think it is one of those morphine withdrawal side effects I had not put a moniker to quite yet. Too much else has gone on. My attentions were directed elsewhere, like "you want me to do what with this compazine?" I guess, this rightfully belongs on my thread as today's report, so I will just duplicate it there, but, yeah, I get it, meds, neurontin, et al, can be a real downer when they are also what keep us from doing damage to ourselves during those high pain moments.

I get it. Rae, Tara, and others, yeah, talking it out with the support of those who have walked in darkness makes so much sense, and being here to share and hold one another up in community.... that is what this place is all about.... all about.

THANK YOU,
Mark56..... well a year older now.