Hey Annie,

Thanks for the feedback.

It been almost 4 yrs now of what feels like pure hell for not just me but my family as well.

I'm just now beginning to reach out for help in dealing with all the "madness" I feel like I create for myself, not to mention my family.

I've pretty much "just recently" started placing these color coded sticky notes litterally everywhere, as friendly reminders to myself not to forget.

Now I just need to remember to look at the list (modified list) and "get motivated" to actually do it.....I'm no longer motivated to really do anything.

I really am a perfectionist, always was, & I have a HUGE problem with being hard on myself. I know I'm perfect by no means.

I have a really hard time dealing with, saying or thinking "I can't" do certain things.
I still, after 4yrs, have a hard time "accepting" the new me, who I don't like or know.

I'm afraid to say these things in front of or to my kidos, husband, family & friends.
They're going through a lot themselves just watchiing & seeing some of the silly stuff I've done or do.

This morning I was sitting on the back deck & my son (15) came out there with a silly puzzled look on his face.....holding the remote to the stero.......and said "ugh, hey mom, you alright". I didn't think a thing about the remote, he kinda chuckled as he sat down still looking at me & I was still clueless....he ask again (while still chuckleing) as he layed the "frozen remote control" in my hand!!!!

Wow....that was embarrasing!!! Oh yeah, his buddy from school is the one to find the remote I stuck in the freezer!!!!

Learning to laugh at myself is hard sometimes cause of the frustration.....still relearning that one!!!