One of the ways that I try to feel better is to divert the bad thoughts,and throw myself into my hobbies. I have alot of antenna hardware on the roof above me. It took a great deal of work,and money. At the time that I put these antennas up for my Shortwave,VHF,and UHF hobbie,I had the money.

I think that the person who owns this house wants me to take them down. This goes for my back yard lights,and cameras. One of these cameras is like a window for me because I have a monitor attached to it,and I like to look at it. I don't feel so alone with that camera,and monitor.

I haven't felt like this since I went to the Wellness hospital last fall. I feel a deep sence of loss,and discouragement. I don't know why I feel so bad. I have no laughter,and no peace. I don't even have a counsellor. The other one retired. I just have such a bad feeling,and problems on top of problems. It's like it's the last straw,but worse things can happen. I don't know why I feel so bad.

I should have gone to church today,and then gone to the grocery store. I didn't go anywhere,and I don't feel like going anywhere.

They are putting a new siding on this building. The workers might judge me because I'm upset,and worried about my hobbie antennas,and I don't have a job. They don't know my circumstances,but will probably hear gossup about me. I'm on SSD.

I feel just really bad. My knees also are injured due to where,and tare from the sports that I played back in school,and at work when I had a job. I can't work on that roof to take the antennas down. I may fall because of my knees condition.

I feel like a dark cloud has moved over me. I just keep thinking about this,and can't get it out of my mind. I don't feel like going anywhere,or doing any thing. I don't feel like being awake. BF