Toni,

As much as your son was trying to not be critical of you, in reality, he was not being helpful. In our state of mind, we do not do well at guessing games or innuendo. In fact, they can be very destructive. As our brain races to try to figure out what is being said, it just adds more stress to our day.

It would be much better if your son could just make a comment that is straight forward, like: "Mom, I see you put the remote in the freezer. Is it alright if I thaw it out and listen to the stereo?" Then you can both have a laugh.

By the comment about his friend finding it in the freezer, it appears that you try to keep a very welcoming household. Combine this with a perfectionist style and you have disasters waiting to happen.

There is a saying I have. " A house can be lived for, or a house can be lived in" If your day is spent living for your house, you will never be successful. If you realize that your house is a place to be living in, then the hidden dust or an unmade bed will not change your ability to live in it.

You might need to learn to pick your household battles. First, a bit of bacteria is good for the immune system. Research proves this. Nothing needs to be sterile. Try to think safe and comfortable, not perfect. As long as the basket of dirty clothes is not where someone will trip over it, the raw chicken is not left out on the counter, the shower does not have slime, your family will survive.

My wife taught our kids to do their own laundry by the time they were 8 or 9 years old. If they complained about a shirt not being clean, they had themselves to blame. These skills have helped them immensely in their adult lives.

You can think of your struggles as a reason to delegate and teach your kidos more self sufficiency. You can not be Super Mom. No woman actually can, even without a brain injury.

Have you read the TBI Survival Guide Yet. You and your husband both need to read it. Then you can have your kidos read select portions. Then, time for a family meeting. Discuss new ways of being a family/household, how to be respectful of Mom's struggles but not condescending with a syrupy and patronizing attitude.

Once they understand the reality of the new you, they will be able to live with you in an understanding way. Their friends need to be brought up to speed if they are going to be in your house. If they can be just as respectful of you, great. Welcome them. If not, your kido needs to help them understand you better or they need to not be invited back.

My father tried to instill in my siblings and me a simple idea. Family supports and backs up family, whatever the cost. With this attitude, you will have a larger family supporting you. When a friend of a kido comes to you and asks, "How is your day going, Mrs S?" Or even better, recognizes when you are having one of those "space cadet" days and treats you with sensitivity, everyone wins.

There are plenty of nice people around us. Some just need to be given a little understanding and direction. Trust me, most will respond very well.

A simple example would be, if a kido brings home a new friend, explain to them that you will likely be asking them their name on repeated occasions and explain why. They may choose to just tell you their name each time.

My father died of an Alzheimer's like dementia a few years ago. My siblings who lived near him routinely walked in and announced their name to him. I live 600 miles away so when I visited, I struggled to remember to announce my name. It was very helpful for my dad. If relieved a lot of frustration and confusion.

Trust those close to you to respond in your best interest when they have good information. Very few issues in life are worth fretting about. In a day or two, the past goofs are long forgotten.

I have a saying that takes off from where "Is the glass is half full or half empty?" falls short. For most of us, the glass is just TOO BIG. Life is a lot more enjoyable when we don't try to fill a TOO BIG glass.

I've been wealthy and I've been poor. My happiness was not changed by either condition.

My best to you.