((Wish)) Instead of "feeling like a 95 yr old lady, tired and exhausted from it"...try to think about what Lara wishes...
Re: I want to grow up to be a scary little old lady who knows her own mind
My heart always goes out to you dear friend, especially on your anniversary dates and when I think about all your mother is missing...your engagement, a someday wedding, and hopefully grandchildren. That's a lot to miss out on in life.
We are here for you....if not in real life, always on this written page.