Oh Blue... I'm right there with you in spirit, feeling the same things you do.

Don't cut yourself. I know it sounds like a good idea, (which by itself is not a rational thought) but after you do it, it makes you feel stupid and ashamed whenever you see the scar. It's just your mind's way of trying to get control over something, anything, and physical pain is the only feeling you can force yourself to feel. I'm speaking from personal experiance, sweetheart.

I'm sorry you feel this way; I think of you often too, and I pray for you every day. Things will get better, okay? We're all going to be happy someday...