My Dear Rsder Family,
I first want to thank you for all your love, support, and prayers this week as I have sure needed it. I did get my five day inpatient Ketamine infusion late on 9/20 at Hahnemann Hospital. It was hell is all I can say. I had the worst experiences while there. I fell and injured my neck, back, and spine, and hands which made my horrific pain even worse this week. They told my family they would keep me 24 hours longer because my BP was 85/45 (but only kept me 6 hours, took a few xrays, and a catscan and sent me home)and that was because I fell. But they never did and sent me home...without even being able to stand on my own two feet. My poor son had to carry me for over two days. I had to even go to the ER the day I came home from severe agony and I thought I was dying. They gave me some meds there which helped a bit. But when they wore off I was dying again. Yes, I did pray several times this week to die and let Jesus take me from all this pain. Even night I lie away in agony from neck, back, spinal pain. Dr. S never even checked me BEFORE I left the hospital. Most of the staff were very young 20 year olds who didn't really care about being there and were mean to me. I know the Ketamine makes you dissociate with your suroundings but this was ridiculous. I felt like they would kill me if I said anything wrong to them. I threwup, had a bowelmovement, pulled out my iv's 3 times that they told my family and hallucinated alot and had no real runderstanding of what I did and how they happened. They never cleaned me nor brushed my teeth for over 8 days. I was a stinky mess. My poor family and my son we so devastated at what they saw and I thought my son was ready for a breakdown (and is still not doing real good now). Our relationship is now even more horrible than it was before now. This is really the first five minutes I have been able to write anything here and it's been 14 days of hell. All I do is cry and don't want to live in this pain anymore. The RSD was bad enough but the Ketamine sedation has been even worse. NO ONE even called me from Dr. S office or the hospital to followup to see how I was doing because I feel hard. My poor 80 year old widows mother has been here with me for a week and yesterday broke down crying to me saying she was so depressed because I was not getting any better. My heart is so broken right now for my whole family and I only sleep about 2 hours a night (again). The rest is spent praying and crying to Jesus to take me out of all this pain. It's so sad.A man would come in with a tray of warm food each morning and for the first three days I did not eat because I did not know what they were or what to do with them. One day a nurse or someone showed me I could eat the warm bagel which I did for the next few days I was there. But I only ate in the am as I was so drugged out I did not know what to do about it. My arms and stomach area severely bruised from Hepparin shots and IVs too. I can hardly move my hands at all from bad pain. I wanted to tell you all to watch out about these treatments that I had at Hahnemann. It was horrible and I still have nightmares about it. No one called me from Hahnemann or Dr. S office so I finally had to on Wed afternoon and let them know what happened to me. I think they are all affraid to talk to me about the bad time I had there. Dr. S only sent me home with Ativan every 8 hours (2mg) which does crap for me. He said to take only Neurontin and Ibubrophen and nothing else. I was on 25 mcgs of Fentanyl for over five years and this is all I get???? No wonder why I am in so much pain. I think he just wants to detox people there. I don't know but I would NEVER go through that week again like that. Now, I am deathly affraid of having to have booster shots this next week since my horrible experiences. Life is so unfair for all of us...we get the rsd pain and now have to deal with this mess and pain. I've contacted my works comp nurse about getting me somehelp here because mom is leaving today and I can' hardly get out of bed or do anything for myself. Has anyone any other suggestions or ideas for me? I would surely appreciate them all. And thanks my dearest friend Gabbycakes for your supportive phone calls in the past few weeks. It helped me so much to know that others had been there before me too. Thanks for all the prayers and keep them coming.
love ya,
kathy d