One day I was so angry,I took a pillow,maybe two,and screamed into it a number of times. The pillows muffled the sounds. I felt better.
These illnesses can cause anger,and rage. Please,please don't harm yourself when anger,or rage happens. I also found a piece of old furniture,and threw one of my tennis shoes at it. I felt relief.
Time will also settle things down after that. This helped me,but it might not help everyone.
God bless your heart Blue. I understand all the emotions that can hit us at one time. It sometimes makes us think of suicide. I know all of this hurts. Please don't hurt yourself. You are a beautiful person. You need encouragement in these times. After you have done everything that you can do,please take a deep breath,survive,and be patient. This to shall pass. BF