Hi Blue, I am so sorry you feel that bad, but I do know the feeling of hating. I did that for many years, and it nearly cost me my life. When I became disabled about 10years ago, I made a decision that cost me my family. I had a best friend, who I asked to come live with me. I needed the help so very much, I could not take care of my home and yard. My son in law took my daughter and my grandson away from me. I was branded a lesbian. He told me to my face I was not welcome in his home, nor around his children. If I did come and visit, I would not be able to be in the same room with his children without supervison. My daughter sat right there, and agreed with what he said. I was hurt beyond measure, and I still am. I hated for a long time, as it cause me to have a death in my family that never ends. I had to let the hate go, and go on with my life and try to get better. Hate can eat you up alive. I don't know if I can help you, but I do want to try. Please tap back if there is anything I can do to ease your heart. ginnie