Not sure if any of you know that I have an Eating Disorder: both anorexia/bulimia. I have not had the anorexia issue since I was 32; which I had for over 20 years crossed with the bulimia. The Topamax helped curb the bulimia. I was binging numerous times a day until I started that drug. It saved my life. Sounds strange I know.

Recently the doctors took me off the Topamax due to thinking it has been the reason for my neurological problems. Not the case at all unless the neuro exam tells otherwise- but I am very certain that is not it. I was off of it for a year and still had odd neuro problems.

Since I have been off the Topamax this week alone I have had some bouts with the bulimia. Stress related. Yesterday was just horrid. It has to do with my relationship with a sibling. Hard to explain without typing a huge story.

When I got off the phone with this person I was so distraught I binged the worst I have in over a decade. Luckily I didn't purge in any way shape or form. Not sure if that is good or not- because I feel so fat, blubbery and disgusting that I can barely look into the mirror. My clothes fit horribly. I am avoiding the scale.

Recently I lost 8 pounds out of no where. Now I am quite certain I've gained them all back. Hubby and I are starting a new lifestyle change today. He is going to help me get into the gym- to help me physically- with the neuro problems to get myself back into shape/and physically strong again. I'm changing my eating habits too. Once my sons eat all the junk they demanded me to buy them this week- that is the last time I'm buying it. They have not been eating their meals well and wanting to snack on crap. This is the best way to stop that habit for them too.

I called the pdoc and neurologist begging them to put me back on the Topamax. Luckily- they did. Starting back slowly. I know it will help. I'm just so upset with myself that I allowed that to happen.

Didn't want to post this but knew I needed to. Very depressed right now. My older sister gets it but she is very busy right now. No one to talk to. Therapy appointment is a month away. ugh!

Coffeegirl