I keep telling myself-to look at the Positive.Live in the NOW.Don't be depressed. But I just can't help it! I'm hurt. And I assign blame. But not to you anymore. Because, I truely love you. And I always have. I've trusted you even when you didn't trust me. I never knew your motives. God wouldn't let me see the hate or experience the hurt. All the time. Every meeting for the last 7 years. You didn't listen to me AT ALL. To your hearts at all. To God, untill NOW. And one of you, has SO much influence. And I always respected you. And I still do. You're still my brother. If you want to be. And I'm still waiting. For your forgiveness. For your decision. For you to smile at me Genuinely. And accept me. Faults and all, Illness and abuse, and everything. I haven't displayed your mistake to everyone. I will never make it a point to tell others about this pain. I'll only cry to myself. And to my husband,and to God. I'll never take you all down from the pedestal I put you on. Your family is all I ever wanted to be a part of. I always sincerely loved you all. And yes. I am disappointed. How could I not be? But I've never loved you all more than I do now. I'm hurt. And it's okay. I forgive everyone who ever hurt me in any way. And I hope the people I've hurt in my life, forgive me, TOO.