I wonder if BMW knows how sad I was when I came onto NT and saw that I missed the invitation to join her in the chat. I wonder if BMW would be up for chatting again soon, even if it isn't caused because one of us is melting down at that moment! I wonder if BMW knows how much her presence has meant to me... and that the words and hugs and support are great, but that constant, strong sense of just "being there" has meant so much to me--from day 1 on this board until always.

I wonder if everyone read this sentence can go back and reread what I wrote up there ^ and replace "BMW" with their individual username. BMW comes to mind because she is the first person I talked to/connected with from this board, but that any person reading this has most likely touched my life in the same way--through support, whether verbal, quiet, or both.. and through the love and time that goes into replies... and even from posts that are days old or months old that I read long before I ever made my presence known on this board. All of the posts and replies have done wonders for my heart.

I wonder if anyone here has struggled as an adult with someone very close to you is fighting an addiction.

I wonder if there is anyone who has been in that situation who has survived through it, and would be willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on...

I wonder, though, if it really matters if someone has been in that situation.. or if -anyone- could offer love and support, even if they haven't been through what I am going through.

I wonder if I should go through with writing a separate thread on this board about some thing going on in my life... or if I should find another board to put it on. I wonder how people decide--is this board only if people are thinking of suicide or have lost someone to suicide? Or can people post about struggles if they are not in either of those categories? I wonder if there is a place that would be better...

I wonder if I should have started out this thread by telling you all about my username change! haha.. Sorry! This is Sarah Mae... I sent messages to all my friends explaining the change.. but keep posting and forgetting to tell people. I changed my username not to protect myself (I'm an open book and don't care if anyone finds what I have said about myself, but do worry about people searching my name and finding things about the people around me.. I want to protect them.) It isn't much of a change, and anyone who knew me before can see that it's hardly a change at all--but smae could mean any number of things--so it just feels a bit safer.

I wonder why I am so talkative today. I have set out to say one or two sentences, yet everything I have written today (whether on here, MSN, Facebook, my blog, etc.) has been nearly a novel!

I wonder when someone is going to tell me to shut up!

I wonder if you all know how much I love and appreciate each of you, for all of the different things you bring to NT.