I wonder if I can say "ditto!"

I wonder how I went from taking 30 or more pills a day down to about 6, and now it's creeping up to around to almost 20 again.

I wonder why the only solutions the doctors give me are pills, when they all know that I rarely am able to absorb even a small percentage of a pill, let along all of this!

I wonder why my stomach is upset tonight.. just the last half hour or so.

I wonder if my Einstein cat will sleep with me tonight. (Reference--this is my Facebook status: "has an incredibly intelligent kitty named ♥ Gavin. He will sit on top of my keyboard until I separate my legs so he can lay down. It's his favorite spot. He loves having body heat surround him--he curls up and snoozes for hours. It's his favorite spot, and he refuses to lay anywhere else. He even takes his paw and trie...s to pry my legs apart so he can lay there. He is SO smart. Not sure if that's a good thing. " and my mom commented and said "sometimes too smart" and I said "I agree! So cute, though.. and he's like a little guard kitty.. he is always there when I feel sick or sad and he makes me feel all better.. so I give in and let him have his favorite spot, even when it makes my legs or hips hurt and isn't the most comfortable.. because I wouldn't give up the love and comfort he gives me for ANYTHING!"

I wonder if anyone else out there has a cat that plays fetch, plays soccer, and kisses on demand. (Not the same kitty that I just talked about, another one--we have 3)

I wonder, if BMW is reading this, if she could tell me approximately what time she usually gets online in the evening/at night. Said we'd talk tomorrow if we happen to catch each other.. and obviously since I am stuck in bed, I have several websites open at once. If I knew about what timeframe (a general one, not down to the exact minute), I would set my alarm on my phone to remind myself to check out the chat room to see if BMW or anyone else is there.

I wonder why the chat room is almost always empty.. and I wonder why I've never seem my new friends from this forum in there... we should all plan a time to get together and chat sometime.

I wonder if tonight will be better than last night. Two hours of nightmares and hallucinations... not fun, especially with everything else going on right now.

I wonder if I said something wrong or hurtful or offensive in the other post I commented on earlier... I never wanted to upset or hurt anyone, especially Blue.. was just trying to point some things out and show people that love is worth the struggles we face in this world.

I wonder, if I did hurt someone, if they would let me know so I can apologize directly to them.. I sure didn't mean to.

I wonder why I keep getting the hiccups.. and I wonder if anyone here knows the secret. There are lots of ways people try to get rid of them, and sometimes some of them work.. but here's the trick I learned from my mom, and never, not ONE single time have I ever hiccuped after doing this. When hiccuping, have someone place their hands tightly over your ears, as if they are trying to squish your head. It has to be tight--like, airtight! Maybe that's part of the secret. As a person hold's your ears (or closes them off.. my mom always asks "Want me to hold you ears?" when I hiccup) and then drink as much water as you can tolerate. Very similar to the "hold your breath and drink water" or "drink from a glass upside down" which have never worked for me.

I wonder what will happen with the insurance company. Our basement flooded a few weeks ago, and today my mom and I did searching online to see how much it would cost to replace every thing that was ruined from sitting in water. The insulation need to be replaced in some areas (it isn't a finished basement,and the insulation is exposed), and we didn't know how to estimate the cost of that. But, we were VERY surprised to add it up and find out that there was at least $2245 in damage.. and possibly more since we didn't add my CDs that were down there.. it all got wet, but I haven't had a chance to test it and see if they are ruined or if they can still play. So glad we had flood insurance, though there is a $500 deductible to pay first, so in the end we may just fix the insulation and call that good enough. The $2245 in damage stinks, but we don't have $500 for a deductible.

I wonder why it is so tough for people to understand that when I say I am bedridden, I literally do mean that aside from doctor appointments and showers/bathroom breaks (and sometimes a trip to the kitchen for water if I am home alone), I do not leave this bed. I'm not homebound, nor am I confined to a wheelchair (though I of course have to use one when I go to the doctor). It means literally I have spent 99% of the last 6 months here.. and according to the doctors, I will be like this the rest of my life. No, I'm not choosing to lay around and watch movies and be lazy. No, I'm not glad to not have to work--that would be a dream come true.. this is a never ending nightmare. No, it doesn't just mean I cannot work. I wonder why only a handful of people (out of over 100 people who know my situation) truly know what I say when I am bedridden. It's not just being stuck in one room.. but one bed. 54 x 75 inches. Who in their right mind would want to be imprisoned like that.. held captive in such a small space? And I wonder what makes people think that it is okay to say things like "I sure wish I had your life"... um... yeah. So instead of being perfectly healthy and happy.. holding down a full time job, having an income, and having a social life--you'd give all of that up to be stuck in 54 x 75 inches until you die (be it one month, twelve years, or 60 years from now). I wonder why people sometimes don't realize how stupid they sound. Ugh!

I wonder if anyone actually read my little rant, but am thankful that I was able to post it, even if it was just to get it off my chest!

I wonder if I can give to each of you, and a !