I wonder how to explain to Addy and everyone else that while this may be a bit of depression going on, I am not depressed... not always, not usually, not normally. That's all I am trying to convey--the last three weeks have been very difficult because some horrible things have happened within my immediate family--medical problems including a surgery and a horrible addiction, a car accident, flooded basement (twice), severe pain, fights, emotional pain, major financial problems (such as having $700 worth of bills due for October and absolutely no money), etc etc etc. I'm not afraid to admit I'm depressed or ashamed of it... or anything like that. I struggled greatly with depression back in high school. BUT.. this is not clinical depression where I always feel down or hopeless or struggle.. this is very much based on circumstances and will pass. It may still be depression--I don't know. That's what I am wondering.. what to call it.. depression is usually a lasting thing.. and this is circumstantial. I don't really care what it is called, but it's hard to explain to people that I do not struggle with depression not even a little bit... except all these things are going on right now and they are tough. I don't necessarily think that going through major hardships equal depression.. just tough times.
I wonder if the girls that came with the Bible study tonight took anything I said and pondered it.. if it made any kind of difference in their lives. I may never know, but I do wonder...
I wonder what I will do if my mom goes away for a month or more, since I am unable to care for my most basic needs.
I wonder if BMW has come and gone... I tried to get on sooner, but the girls just left a few minutes ago.
I wonder why my back pain chose today to flair up. I haven't had this much back pain in well over a year.. and I can't stand up straight. Ow.
I wonder why it has taken me an hour to write this--oh wait, I KNOW why! Phone calls, checking on my mom, text messages, MSN conversations.... haha
I wonder if I dare say that tomorrow will have to be better than today... because everytime I say that lately it has not been true.. but I truly think there is a tiny bit of light at the end of this tunnel..
I wonder if I can say thank you to all the wonderful people here.. and give them
s for caring so much.
I wonder how soon I can go to bed! zzzzz
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♥ "Hope is more than a word; it's a state of being. It's a firm belief God will come through. Life brings rain... hope turns every drop into the power to bloom like never before." -Holley Gerth ♥
My name is Sarah and I am 25 years old. I have a lot of chronic health problems. Peripheral neuropathy and POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) keep me bedridden the majority of the time. I also struggle with degenerative disc disease, disc desiccation, spondylolisthesis, arthritis, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) with insulin resistance, allergies, sound sensitivities, and other health problems.