Jeffrey,

Sorry for your predicament and the reason you have come to NT. Believe me, it is the right place for you.

Your story sounds a lot like mine. My first concussion was in 1965. Followed by many minor head impacts that never were symptomatic of a concussion. Then, in 1995, I did suffer a moderate concussion that required that I rest and recover for about 15 minutes before I could return to my task. Another minor concussion in 1999 from an assault and then, in 2001, I made a bad step off a curb and jarred my body from pelvis to head.

Suddenly, my life changed. My prior skills at recovering from a head bump were meaningless. My memory functions were suddenly drastically damaged.

Currently, I have very poor visual and auditory memory (bottom 5 to 12% of population) I cannot remember past time periods. I remember the events but do not remember when they happened. Chronological order is non-existent in my brain.

My processing speed is at the 10% level so I am easily overwhelmed by stimuli. I have to be very careful about entering a over-stimulating environment (the mall, a noisy restaurant, etc.)

As you are, I still am highly intelligent. It allows me to appear to be normal, until one of my dysfunctions become evident. I used to build computers from parts, including all of the specific settings needed to make them function. Now, It is all I can do to just keep them running. Trying to follow complicated directions is problematic, even disabling, requiring a prolonged period of recovery.

So, yes, I know what you are going through. I am only on two meds plus a regimen of high potency/dosage vitamins and supplements. The supplements I take make a huge difference in my function.

I understand the stoic characteristic you mention. Sometimes, for me, it becomes apathy too.

One thing I have learned is to not hide from my condition. If others know just enough, they are usually very accommodating. My biggest problems are receiving information. Once I have received it and logged it into some sense of understanding, I can use it. Usually, it takes many repetitions for me to keep the information in memory.

It appears that you have already developed some accommodations. Your stoic style is one. You have likely accepted your condition to some extent. I don't know if you have developed any work-arounds to deal with your dysfunctions. I have many. Without them, I would not be very functional. With them, I am high functioning.

You state that you may not remember writing your post tomorrow. I need the text on the screen to remember what I am writing. When I reread my post before submitting it, I may find that I have repeated myself.

I am concerned about whether you are being over-medicated versus providing your brain with better nutrition so that you can function without some of the meds. Your stoic style may also be a result of your meds. Some meds tend to flatten out emotion and response.

My Neuro-psych reports have diagnosed me as schizoid personality disorder (lacking in need or desire or ability for personal contacts). I think this is a self protection mechanism that is learned and reinforced by the physiological damage. You may also have this characteristic.

Have you connected with any TBI support groups? This is a good place to connect with others. Your PM&R physician likely has other patients who participate in one. They are very beneficial. Most are more directed at people who were comatose and needed extensive rehab and still do not have full motor control. My PCS with high function allows me to understand them from the inside, if you know what I mean. You likely have lots to contribute to a support group.

You have not told us much about yourself beside your memory issues. Feel free and safe to tell us about your struggles. You are with friends.

Hope this helps.

My best to you.