I want to say one thing before I get started with what I have to say... You are 53 and have had your condition for less than two years.. yes, any condition is hard to deal with--but be thankful for the many many years you had without it.

I have had chronic pain since I was 8... and have been bedridden for 6 months. I could very easily spend my whole life depressed.. what 8 year old cannot participate in being a child because of chronic pain? What high school student wants to miss a ton of school and never be able to go out with friends because the pain is too bad? What college student wants to struggle through college with many professors and school officials saying "you can't do it--you might as well quit"? What 24 year old wants to be told that from this day forward, every day will be this way--being stuck in bed, not able to even sit up in a chair, not seeing the sunshine or feeling fresh air, never working to use the college degree, never having a chance to marry or have children?

And.. what 53 year old wants to have to cope with a new "normal".. struggling to find the good in with all of the bad that life has handed him/her? NONE!

None of us asked for these problems.. none of us want them.

I know that a lot of people with chronic pain experience depression.. and so I am not at all saying it isn't normal.

BUT.. I truly believe the symptoms of depression can be lessened (not totally swept away, at least not always) by learning to be grateful for the things you have.. and being thankful for one more day to live.

If I would have given in to all the depressing thoughts that have entered my head since 8 years old, I would have absolutely nothing to live for.. and I would have been gone a LONG time ago. Even in the last year.. it is extremely hard to lose my dream of becoming a mother and a teacher when, according to doctors, I will spend every day of my life (whether that is three months or seventy five years) in this 4 by 6 ft space.

I'm not saying that the key is to deny the depression and pretend like life is all about puppies and rainbows. I think people do a great disservice to themselves if they deny the depression or shove it out of their minds.

The fact is, it's a part of life.. for a lot of people. Even more so if you are dealing with chronic pain. There are a lot of ways to treat depression--therapies, medications, holistic approaches, talking about things, writing about things, etc. But what I am saying is that you need to find a way to address the struggles in life--and then beyond that, try to stay as positive as possible.

I have been lucky to not struggle a whole lot with depression. I have bad days, yes.. and I have a lot of days where I am down and out physically and sometimes my emotions go right along with that. But, I've been through severe depression before and I am not struggling with that right now, despite my more than 10 medical problems.

When I am feeling down or am frustrated with how things are going, I write. Some people talk, some people cry, some people exercise.. I write. I have a blog as well as a CaringBridge which I use not only to vent and talk about the things that bother me, but also to keep a record of doctor appointments and important events... and to keep the people in my life informed on my conditions.

When I am upset about something, I write. I may say two sentences or twelve pages... but I allow myself to "get it all out". Then, I try to move on. Does that mean those things never come back up and that I am 100% better? No. But I know that dwelling on them for days and weeks and months on end does absolutely no good. I make changes where I can.. and if it is something out of my control (like how discouraging it is to be 24 and stuck in bed all day and all night), I try to just think about something else. I watch a movie, read a book, talk to a friend, play with my cats. Many times I have stopped and challenged myself to write down all of the good things in my life. That list is probably ten times as long as the list of problems in my life. I think it's natural for us to focus on the bad things in life because they are usually the ones that affect us the most. But when I force myself to start looking at the positives, I am able to see good in even the negatives.

The hardest thing for me is to be stuck in bed. I would give almost anything to be able to sit up in a chair in the living room or be able to go to the grocery store or be able to take a walk outside. But what is the good in the situation? I can rest my body all the time.. I can be there for my friends whenever they need me since I have no other commitments. I can watch lots of movies. I can read whenever I want and go through multiple books a day. I can spend hours just cuddling with my cats. I can use my time to reach out to others who are hurting. I don't have to get up early to go to work. I don't have to go outside when it is -25 degrees and three feet of snow. I can dream up ideas for children's books (which has always been a dream of mine--to write them). I can do a lot of research and learn as much as possible about each of my conditions so I can get the best possible treatment. I can spend time each day writing letters or cards for people who need encouragement. If I need to sleep or rest at odd hours, I can. I don't have the added expense of gas for my car. I can spend time on NT and other websites meeting and talking to people who can relate to my situation. I can catch up with friends that I have lost touch with because I've been "too busy".

I think you get the point. Every single bad thing in my life also comes along with some positives. If I never take the time to think about them and focus on them, I would indeed spend every minute of every day depressed. I have a lot to be thankful for...

I am not saying that clinical depression can be whisked away by happy thoughts. Depression is a serious medical problem.. and usually requires treatment of some sort. But beyond that depression.. we all have a choice what to focus on and what kind of outlook to have. Even in the absolute darkest time of your life, there are positives. You just have to train yourself to look for them. It's the only way I can stay positive and hopeful... without it, I would see absolutely no point in living my life.