Tyson, As someone who has lived through all sorts of times of being to hell and back to "okay" again, you have NOT messed up your life and it is NOT "over."

In my opinion, you probably do need to take a step back and reassess your life and goals. But that does NOT mean you can't have goals and a good life. You probably have to change your mind about what your life is going to be but you can still have a good life. So many times I have thought that I wanted one thing, life got in the way, I had to do another thing and it ended up being good that it did. Changing your mind about what you're going to do does not mean you are a failure. On the contrary. It means that you have the presence of mind to set yourself up for an even better success.

I got two college degrees. I worked my @$$ off for years in education and marketing. Then I ended up not being able to work. HOWEVER, what skills I had and worked on made me able to both write and change the "hand" drawing I did to the less difficult "computer" drawing. I never thought I'd accomplish anything again, until I decided to write and illustrate a book on doctoring. It took 2-1/2+ years to do, but I did it! This is not my ideal life but it is MY life and I get to decide what it is going to be - within my limitations.

Would your life come to an end if you took a break from school for a while? No. And it would probably help. You've barely had a year to deal with MG and all that comes with it. And you are 18. Your brain doesn't even fully develop until your mid-20's!! The important thing is not the goal but to have fun doing whatever you are doing. And you are most definitely not having any kind of fun. I'm not talking about the "fun" of partying either!

Have you even been to see a doctor about the current symptoms you are having? I know you have spoken to one of your doctors about the Pred. They need to SEE what reaction you are having, even if you are in NY.

You need a once over from an internist. Is this feeling of being detached a reaction to a drug? Is it a deficiency? Is it your thyroid or something else? It's not your "normal" so it has to be something. So get your butt in to see your doctor when you get home. In the meantime, write down everything, every single symptom you are having. A boring plane ride is a perfect time for that.

Chest pain, in case I haven't said this a million times, is ALWAYS in need of immediate ER care. Period. Anxiety or not.

You need someone you can trust and confide in. A mentor would help too. I had lots of guidance early on in my life and it really helps. You can't do this stuff alone, nor should you have to. We ALL need help. And support.

You can deal with this, Tyson, but you have to get out of denial and into the land of realistic possibilities. Only you can get there.

I hope you can work all of this out. You deserve a good life. Maybe put that as a sign up on your wall: "I deserve a good life."


Annie