Mark, I have to say you are a great writer; every skill I ever had at writing is lost.

Does atrophy mean shrunken? Wouldn't they be able to see that on a CT or an MR? I thought they found something in football players that was unseen by imaging. I guess the football players maybe didn't go for help.

I have thought more about support groups, but it would seem I am labeling myself. I know there are a lot of people worse off than I am. I mean, I can laugh off some of my memory problems, like today at work I thought the month was November and was putting November in all my data pulls. Then I found a note I wrote where I was supposed to increase my Modafinal; something I haven't been doing.

It is possible I just feel sorry for myself. When you wrote about the glass as full or empty, I really don't have an answer as to how I view it. I will try not to worry about future decline, however I am always in some medical situation where I am asked how I am doing. I don't even know how to answer that, I tell the doctors I am not stressed, just indifferent. Though to be honest, I don't remember when I had a really good laugh with other people.

I know my doctors do care about me, but you are probably right that they do not know what is inside our heads. Problem is, I cannot always describe what is in my head either.

I have been working on a couple routines for my free time, but my work day and travel is a lot; catching the 630am bus, getting home at 630pm. From there I watch TMZ and then the G4 network till 8pm, after 8pm I am on the internet till I take meds and go to bed, rinse, and repeat. I don't even have to walk my dog as she is trained to be a total indoor dog. When I do walk my dog, I am very protective, but I do say 'hello' to people, problem again is, next time I see the person it is hit or miss if I remember them. That part of me I hate cause I feel like a fool (and I know it isn't my fault)

I would love to be in a relationship, but I am afraid to meet people because of the problems, I wouldn't know how to explain myself. I am afraid, as many people probably are. I may whine a little to my close friends, but at times, I hate to say it, whining feels good.

Are you driving now, Mark? I let my license expire.

I looked at the book you posted; it looks like a good read, quick chapters. I read the back of the book and the MD who wrote it isn't practicing medicine anymore, she must have lost a lot.

The meds do regulate my life, today I have this medicine-like taste in my mouth. Lately I have tried to sleep without medicine and I am up all night long just thinking.

My doctors have tried a ton of medicines on me, one even landed me in the hospital with an allergic reaction; and the funny story on that was I had a known allergy to the med, and the doctor I had at the time didn't take the time to read my medical records and see that so she gave it to me again; of course I didn't remember taking the med in the past so I took it; bam, to the hospital ER.

You do know a lot about medications, Mark. I don't want to post all my medications in the forums as it isn't private and anyone on the internet can read this. I can list a couple.

The paranoia medication is called Perphenazine. I take Modafinal and Donepezil. For depression I take Venlafaxine HCL. The other 3 are sleep meds (including Zollpidem Tartrate: Ambein) and then 3 other meds for other medical problems. What does anyone know about the meds I take, has anyone had any experience on the medications I take, I would be interested in some feedback. I may even create a post about the Modafinal and Donepezil.

I mix pretty well with others, it is just I have trouble owning up to my memory problems and sometimes loud people really cause me anxiety (I was never like this growing up and was probably loud myself while in the military)

I would love to know of a support group in the NYC area; one recommended and with kind people. I do talk weekly to an physiologist, it seems I turn those moments though into the 'why me - whine and cheese feasts'

I guess I can say it here, it really sucks being someone with a head injury, no one believes us, we try to act as 'normal' as everyone else, but inside we are hurting. Yes, people are accommodating, but I wish none of this ever happened (see, I am whining)

Everything takes time, I would love to get out and meet others, however, where? NYC is the loneliest big city, everyone is already so guarded.

Everyone, thanks for taking time to read this, maybe some of you feel as I do, maybe not, but I do wonder if my problems are common or not.

Again, thanks for taking the time, Jeffrey