As my depression lifts, Wes is sinking.

This is a huge trigger.....icky stuff about cutting and suicide. Please Di, don't read this right now.














Wes has been trying to hold on for about a month now. He could sense how bad I was and didn't want to have me have to worry about him. But he is in trouble and had to tell me to keep safe.

He started cutting again about a month ago. Now the voices, halucinations and nightmare horror shows are back. And he isn't sleeping. He says the voices are telling him to kill himself and kill us. He is so scared.

I hoped it was triggered by a sinus infection that he's had for a bit, but even with anti-biotics, the infection and the depression is getting worse.

I need to call the pdoc for an appointment, but he is usually out on Thursday or Friday. It just depends on his court schedules.

I think he has worn out his anti-psychotic meds again. I upped his depakote with no results. He has been on Seroquel, Lithium, Geodon, and now Abilify. I am wondering what other anti-psyc's are available. The pdoc scared me last time saying all that is left are the old stuff like Thorazine and some kind of med that you have to have a blood test every week before they can fill the next Rx to check for liver failure.

Any body had to use any of the old crap? I would like to hear about any experience. Kinda worried about hospitalization, but I will fight my ***** off to not go there.

Thanks, folks. Love you all. Hang in there.