This was written about in Neurology Today last year.

I'm not afraid of getting well or having a total or significant remission but I am very afraid of getting some minor improvement. I was sent back to work over and over for years after I got this. It was living hell and working heavy jobs one handed was torture. My shrinks have said one of my bioggest problems is post traumatic stress syndrome from being thrown in the lion's den so many times. So now I keep imagining it's going to happen again. The pain stops frequently and when it does I feel guilty about accomplishing so little and scared that it'll be back to the lions. I just sort of yo yo between feeling useless and being in pain. Of course everytime the pain comes on it feels like it's never going to go away and will just get worse and worse.

I suppose my fears are unwarranted since it's been a fairly steady downhill course since day one. On the bright side I've gotten pretty good at controlling my symptoms and pain. Everything is a trigger now but I can avoid most of them most of the time.

I do believe thaty most of us would gradually return to our old lives if this monster would let go. I know I'd love to out and do some of the things I used to if I had the confidence I could do it. Our new lives are built around pain but if the pain and fear were gone we could probably tackle the new problems one at a time. We could rebuild our lives or build one like what we had.

I'm just trying to come to grips with the idea that I'm never going to have the chance to try.

One thing this desease has taught me is that it's best to deal with the problems and the world in the here and now. Worrying about the future or living in it isn't too good for anyone but it doesn't work well with RSD it would seem.