I've been trying to roll with the punches, but I guess there have been too many punches lately...

1st: I went to fill my prescription for lyrica (for neurological pain) and couldn't because my insurance wanted ANOTHER prior authorization. So, I was off this med for several days... my doctor's office sent in the request immediately, but the insurance dragged it's feet resulting in:
- a withdrawl from it including sleeplessness, restlessness, nausea and dizziness
- a painful reminder of why I need this med in the first place- PAIN that's of neurological origin, but different kinds
- another painful reminder of how my MS has progressed as far as the above pain

2nd: I went to Panera for lunch with my best friend. When I went to fill my fountain soda, an employee who was mopping, mopped me into a very small area. I panicked because I'm SO afraid of falling. Also, I couldn't even lift my "eat-in" tray and had to have my BFF wait on me again. I was sorry I even went out.

3rd (THE WORST, and EMBARRASSING for me): I haven't been checking the mail very regularly, but went to the box this evening. I recently had a pap smear and got a letter that I had abnormal results that require a colopscopy. In over 10 years I have never had an abnormal result, and I get tested every year.

Just to let you guys know, my mom had cervical --->uterine cancer before she died of lung cancer (she also had squamous cell carcinoma). I smoke, too, as most of you already know.

I know that most cervical cancer is caused by HPV. I can't help feeling like I have some kind of -please excuse my expression- crotch rot. I know this is irrational because HPV is very common & I have never seen any symptoms (not that all people do). Also, women with HPV who smoke are at increased risk for cervical cancer.

I've had problems with heavy bleeding and clotting for a while (I have no concept of time & don't know how long), and I don't handle estrogen-based birth control well. At the beginning of the year, I had a progesterone-only birthcontrol implant put in. I had some spotting at first, then several months period free, some spotting again, then a month-long period, and now I am bleeding heavily again 2 weeks later.

I have to call to schedule that coloposcopy tomorrow. I want to know what I'm dealing with, like immediately. I'm hoping that someone can explain the type of my abnormal result to me over the phone. I deal much better with things if I have facts and can adapt ASAP to the situation.

I can't even hope for a good result from the testing- I'm not lucky & I already have multiple medical problems. MS-wise, I was disabled by age 28, and my prognosis isn't good.
Hope, a positive attitude, etc. can't change whatever's going on in my vadge already. Also, I don't think I'm in any mood to be a cheerleader lately.

Pleasant or not, I laid this all out plainly. This is just how I'm feeling. I'm okay right now, but I think #3 may put me over the edge.
I was supposed to see my psychologist tomorrow, but her office called to cancel yesterday. The timing couldn't be worse. I'm call there tomorrow and tell them I need to see her ASAP. I have a pdoc appt. this week, too.

Waves, I think you're pretty great, too. Thanks for checking in.
In fact, I think you're all pretty great. I really get a lot out of reading and posting here.

Kay