You are going through a trying time. It's hard to roll the punches, but do your best to to keep the rolling as a goal. If you cannot achieve that for a whole day, try for a few moments at time: roll when you can and to the degree that you can.

I hope that you can schedule the procedure soon. While you wait for the appt and results, keep in mind as best as you can that most abnormal smears are not the result of something serious. You know that in your head. Try to know it in your heart as well while you trust the docs to get to the truth for you.

If you can't cheerlead for yourself, continue to take one minute at time. You don't need to think about the future. You only have to go through the motions of day to day, minute by minute for now. Concentrate on keeping yourself together.
I'm pulling for you.

M.