I really am starting to feel all alone and isolated and need to talk to one of my counselors but I may have to cancel my appt. with one tomorrow.

When I tell my friends and such about people that say things that are against me, they'll say, "well maybe they didn't mean you." I am in the situation and know the situation better than what my friends are hearing it be told by me which is only word of mouth. I am the one living these nightmares with these people and my very own friends make me feel like I'm paranoid or something. I'm so sick of it I can scream.

For one, my Goodwill teacher has run her mouth to other staff members there about me telling her suupervior she yelled at me. The cleaning lady made a mean comment about it today. The other students won't take their breaks with me. One former student who was not in the class when the old teacher yelled at me but was in class when the teacher complained about me doing it but not using my name. That student told me about some jerk the teacher said sent an email saying she yelled at them in class. Well, the other students knew it was me. Little odds and ends like that that give me very strong probably cause to believe they just want to get to me anyway they can on count of what that teacher said. And the first thing the old teacher, the one who yelled at me last year, said upon my return to school yesterday was, "is nerves breaking out your face?" I never mentioned to anyone there I thought it may be nerves except to my Rehab. counselor. As far as the old teacher should have known is that it was hives on count of an allergy.

Then I go get my hair cut today and I have another big probable cause to believe someone else had been in the talking about me. My husband goes to the same hair place 6 times as often as I do. My hair dresser was telling me she has a lady who had come in there maybe twice to her, and talk about her husband. The hair dresser went on to say that she knew both the lady and her husband. She said she couldn't believe the lady because the lady was bi-polar and she said her exact words, "bipolar people are pipolar from the beginning you know." The hair dresser went on to say the lady had lost her job and had nothing to do but sit at home and think up things that were wrong in her marriage. I knew she was talking about me but I didn't know how to stand up for myself. My husband had to be in their feeding them all bull like he has to everyone else. Then the hair dresser wanted to know where the school was I was going to. She wasn't inerested in any classes, just the location. Then when I gave her my check she wanted to know where my street was. I am so angry that my own friend can not see that my hair dresser was just acting way too funny.

I guess what I'm mostly mad at is that I didn't stand up for myself. I was ashamed to say, hey, I'm bi-polor, you sure youre not talking about me?

befuddled2