Dear Dejibo,

You are taking the troubles of world upon your own shoulders and unjustifiably so. You are giving these people permission to mess with your thoughts, attitude, solitude, individuality, personal freedom, and personal enjoyment of life. Why? I mean it, Why?

Do not take ownership of other people's challenges. You can not change them. Most don't want to change and are looking for someone else to take responsibility for their troubles, thus they play the victim.

Based on my personal experience, tell the family and neighbors what you think and what they can do with it. You're not their guardians. They need to take personal responsibility for their own situations, family talking to family, not through you. Family want's money, give them directions to the bank, you have your own financial family needs which always have priority. Demand respect from your rich neighbors, you're nobody's caretaker but your own.

Actually, your DH situation is the easiest of all to work out. Simply sit down and talk to him one-on-one so you both understand each others wants and needs under the circumstances. Respect goes both ways and if not done yet, ground rules need to be established both can be happy with. My wife of 36 years and I work as a team with a 60%/40% relationship. Both giving 60% and expecting 40% in return, giving us a nice 20% cushion for the rough times every couples experiences. If there is no give and take on both parties part then there are deeper challenges which must be addressed.

Dejibo, do not take all of these burdens, much of which are out of your control, upon your own shoulders. Siblings are adults, reflect their own responsibilities back upon them and do not allow yourself to give them permission to control your well being. People will always use other people as long as they can get away with it, especially within families. It allows them to not face their own inadequacies. Do not take ownership of them. You have enough to personally deal with in life and your own family always priority over your "adult" family.

I know much of what I am sharing with you sounds cold and ruthless. On the contrary, I've been where you are, thus I prefer to share with you what you should hear vs. what you may want to hear. Take my comments for what they may or may not be worth to you. The choice is always yours to make. You do have absolute power over your own thoughts and attitude. Don't allow others to take that away from you.

Your are in my thoughts and prayers. What I have shared is very simple, but not easy.