thanks Bizi

i am just trying to muddle along the best i can, in the condition that i am.

i am trying not to worsen the condition, but i can't seem to really improve it much. thought so but not really.

it's really too bad about the epilepsy center. i offereed 10-2 tuesdays and thurs. so when i said see you tuesday to the office mgr she was like, welll, hmm i'll let you know, i mean if there's anything to do. geez, when i talked to the volunteer coordinator - a few weeks ago - he made it sound like an extra hand in the office would always be welcome. so. that's why i think she has some issue with me.

if, before she calls (assuming she does?) monday, i get a green light on the job thing, i won't need to address the smoking issue. i warned ahead of time my time would only be available until i were offered employment, and she knows i am interviewing.

even though, you know, i feel like i should say something to her because really, someone else could run into that. they should not be subjecting volunteers to cigarette smoke. (it's illegal in employment situations but i don't know how it goes with volunteer work. maybe the organization is private, so they don't have to observe the same rules. I DON'T KNOW. but i mean it's still an office environment. any client could come in. it does not seem like a bad idea to make some noise. i just hate to be the one making the noise.)

and whatever happens with her, i also feel like i should make mention it to the volunteer coordinator. if i do start working, the E centger has weekened activities i could participate in. i would not be able to do that right away. but assuming i got used to working and that level of stress, i might... and i do want to make sure upfront this time i won't be put into a smoky envioronment. that's a nogo for me, and honestly i don't think it's much of a positive for them. i used to smoke. and even in my own house, i would go smoke outside. even when it was cold. people who smoke can go outside. there is a courtyard.... hello... there are options.

i was upset about this, because, not foreseeing employment in the immediate future, i hoped to treat my 2 days a week volunteer work with the E center as employment, just not getting paid. but still with the same sense of responsibility. more perhaps because i care what happens in that arena.

~ waves ~