dear kay

i do not live in the UK

i have looked and looked for volunteer places before

where/how i live it's not so simple. the options i've found would require special qualfications/auth, a car, or both.

i was specifically interested in doing work for epilepsy awareness... it was way cool that i happened to find something in that of all things... and it is way disappointing the way things are turning out. maybe i wasn't being subtly pushed away but it felt that way and it hurt too. and it might not be because of the smoking. maybe the coordinator did not care about my being bipolar but maybe she did. or something, ya know?

i don't feel like looking all over again for volunteer stuff. i have enough going on.

later on, i might be able to get involved in other activities the center does that do not place me in the office / expose me to smoking.

i don't want to talk about the 'demons' because i really don't want suggestions, tips tricks analysese or whatever. but especially, i am upset by my own situation, and it upsets me when folks bring up/ask me about it, specifically, in any old thread i happen to post (like this one, or the old zoloft thread). i tried saying that before, but it didn't work. no matter. i will avoid specifics on forum, and that will fix it.

the point is, i am already doing the best i can and thats about the size of it.

the only reason i say anything at all about this, is to clue people in that things are not as hunky dory as otherwise they might seem.

i do need folks to understand i am struggling, and the struggle involves something akin to "a deal with my demons." i am not just suddenly up and doing great wow cool hooray. there is a dark side and if i can't keep it in check at some point there is going to be a showdown... or a breakdown.

~ waves ~